Have you ever seen one of those children's crayon sets, open it up, find that they included a white crayon, and your first thought is - how useless is this white crayon for drawing on white paper?

I'll bet that we've all, at one point, felt like the useless white crayon in the box of colours. On the days you've been trying so hard without seeing results, the days things just don't seem to go right or the days you just feel slightly lost and unsure of your direction in life - your self-esteem isn't doing so well. And it can be easy to slip into the mindset self- deprecating thoughts.

Let me break it down for you. Self-esteem is a higher component in what psychologists call the hierarchy of needs. Studies have shown that these needs, while secondary to the physiological, are just as important for us. Self-esteem comes in two parts - inner self-respect and the recognition we obtain from others.

Inner self-esteem comes from thoughts and feelings we have about ourselves. This is the aspect of self-esteem that we have the most power over, and coincidentally, has the most power over us. To conquer this bit, sit your inner critic down at a desk, and tell them firmly that unless they do a better job, you will be taking applications for a new editor in chief for your autobiography. One that gives you constructive comments like "I did this wrong, but I will do better next time" instead of reclining in their chair with a "you’re useless" look smugly written over their face. Having a positive outlook can go a very long way.

In times of low self-esteem, many of us are familiar with that voice in the back of our heads, whispering maliciously "I'm a failure" or "I'm useless". Understandably, it may be hard to chase these voices away, so instead, use them positively. Take this as a chance to tag a little positivity of your own behind. "I'm a failure today, but I will learn and I will not be a failure tomorrow". "I am not perfect, but I try my best".

To help you along, here's an easy exercise. At the end of each week, take a two-minute self-appreciation break. List three things that you appreciate about yourself, or how you could view the occurrences in your life as positive ones. They don't have to be big - perhaps you made sure to restock the coffee in the pantry today after using the last sachet, or that you are a kind owner to your seven cats. This exercise, while small, helps in the long run and will have you looking twice when you pass a reflective surface on the way to work.

Recognition from others is referred to the positive interactions that we receive from the people around us. Now, I'm not telling you to go all Cleopatra and Julius Caesar on your co-workers, asking them to fan you with palm leaves and feed you grapes from a silver platter. However enticing that may sound, it is sadly not socially appropriate any longer.

What I mean is for you to spend time with people who appreciate you and whom you enjoy spending time with. Humans are social creatures and positive interactions with others have been shown to be cathartic. It also provides as a buffer against depression, social anxiety and low self-esteem. Make plans to spend time with your friends and family, even if you feel badly about yourself, and think that you would just be a bore around them. Those who appreciate you are a kind reminder that the negative voice in your head is not you, and you are a lovely person who has drive, motivation and direction. It's just taking a little break at the moment. 

At this moment, I know what you're expecting. You're thinking that the "for other people to love you, you must first love yourself" speech is up next. But we've all heard that before. Plot twist! It isn't. The bottom line is short and simple: while self-worth is vital to self-esteem, you are not unworthy of appreciation, love and recognition because of your own struggle. You are loved and treasured by those around you, and will continue to be so, even if some days you can't manage it yourself. 

The road to positive self-esteem isn't a pair of Levis jeans. One size doesn't fit all, and there's no surefire solution to making sure you feel as good about yourself as narcissus discovering his reflection. There will be days where all you want to do is go home and eat ice cream straight out of the tub, or watch a whole season of your favourite TV show, just because you've had a terrible day, and you feel as useless and worthless as that white crayon in a child's colouring set.

But remember, all you have to do is find yourself some black paper.

Image Source: School photo created by kaboompics